DISCLAIMER: Everything you are about to read is 150% pure opinion. Better yet, this is all my opinion. So take it for what it is, an angsty 21 year old woman ranting about her life.
1 + 2 = 3
The Earth revolves around the Sun.
Tuesday always comes after Monday.
Guys like it when girls touch their arms/elbows.
What do all of these statements have in common? They are all facts. Right?
I feel like from the second I started wearing a training bra, I was being constantly drilled with what to do to get guys to like me. What’s the one thing that EVERY girl has heard at least once?
“Touch his arm. Oh, he’ll love that.”
EW. I’ve touched many a boys’ arms. Maybe a few too many times. What do I have to show for it? A boyfriend? A tan line on my ring finger? Nope. Just a whole lotta near-restraining-order experiences.
When I’m looking for advice on how to pick up honeys, I need realistic advice on what to do. “Touch his arm” isn’t enough direction for me. I’ve begun to realize that I need a few more (or at least) different pointers on how to get a boo thang.
SO… Last night my roommates and I decided to dive into the LDS/Provo blogging world. What did we find? A crap ton of posts about dating. Obvi. Were we surprised? No. Were we excited. Oh, yes.
We found a blog by a young man that listed four things that us girls could be doing to have a better chance at getting asked out. (I’ll post a link to his blog at the bottom.) I was a little confused by his pointers. Do I think they might work? Maybe.
Here are his four (paraphrased) suggestions for what girls should do to get guys to ask them out:
1. Touch his arm. *eyeroll
2. Laugh at his jokes.
3. Eye contact and seem interested
4. Suggest an activity.
These are four things I’ve heard plenty of times. We should excessively touch their arms, pump up their ego, pretend like their stories about VASA are interesting, etc. But really? Who is this helping?
Let’s say I follow these steps… I creepy touch his arm, then I laugh at his joke (even though he isn’t funny) I pretend to be interested in what he likes, and then I suggest we do something based on “our” common interest. Even if all of that works, why would I want that? I literally just tricked him into hanging out with me. No one likes that girl. No one should want to be that girl.
That’s when I realized, I’m not interested in anyone right now. I don’t want to get guys to ask me out, because I simply am not interested in anyone. I don’t need “pointers,” I need to be interested in someone. That’s when I can use these self-help blogs to seduce men, actually probably not that easily… but still, I can seduce them.
Boys. Men. Gentlemen. Y’all might be the ones that need a little bit of help. Some of the magic has disappeared in this whole dating thing. You know? We’re all just friends or hang out buddies. There’s no pizzaz. Tinder and other things like that have turned dating into such a hook up or get out type thing. What happened to the butterflies in the stomach? What happened to the flirting? So, I took it upon myself to write down a few pointers or suggestions for you boys out there on how to get that magic back.
So here it is.
Here are my four steps to get a girl to genuinely be interested in you:
1. Be interesting. We don’t want to hear about how you recently switched pre-workouts or anything to do with your body/gym routine. We want to hear about how much you hated/loved work today, or about that funny thing your Mom said on the phone today, or just about your life. We want to hear about YOU. There’s no point in doing this whole “fake it ’till you make it” thing. Don’t pretend to be interesting or pretend to be interested. You can’t do it for the rest of forever, so why do it today? Just be… you. That’s interesting enough.
2. Touch HER arm. Here’s the deal. We all talk about guys like they are the only ones that can enjoy a good arm touch. Not true. Nope. Not at all. Touch her arm. Better yet, touch her back. It let’s us know that you don’t consider us in the same category as your 11 year old sister.
3. Suggest a free activity. Let’s be honest. I like money. Girls… like money. But you know what we also like? We like when men spend time thinking about us. It takes little effort to be like “Ay yo girl, wanna come see the new Kevin Hart movie? It looks funny.” Sure, it takes money… but little effort. If a guy was going to be like, “Hey, want to go for a walk?” that means he wants to talk, which is good. If a guy says, “I heard they’re showing movies at Rock Canyon tonight, wanna go?” it means he saw that, and thought of you. If we can tell you’re putting some thought into us, we’ll be more likely to feel some kind of way towards ya, ya know?
4. Don’t be a jerk. There is nothing worse than meeting a guy somewhere, thinking he’s super nice and sweet, then in another situation finding he is a total D-bag. Be nice. We aren’t five anymore. The whole, “he’s mean to you because he likes you” thing is not a thing. Okay? Be nice. BE NICE.
There it is. Those are my four steps (suggestions) on how to make us ladies swoon. Just be you. Be cool. Don’t be a jerk. Oh, and touch our arms.
Once you all start using these tips, we’ll start listening and being interested and laughing and touching (appropriately) you. I promise.
Feel free to share my infinite wisdom, or leave comments, or just like it on Facebook. It all means the world to me.
Also, here’s that link to the blog, like I promised. I liked what he said. Check him out.