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A Note From Your Single Friend

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An adorable photo of me w/ my boyfriend.
Shh. Listen. Can you hear it? It’s love. And… it’s in the air.

For most people, love is something they share with another person. For me? It’s something I share with my friends, family, and my Netflix account.

Valentine’s Day is always a little harder on the single peeps. I worked at a restaurant last year on Valentine’s Day, and a customer came in for a table for 1. I wanted to die because people alone on VDay just is… Sad. (Side note: He got a table and set up his iPad. He was Skyping his girlfriend who was in NY. She was also at a restaurant. Even table for 1 had more game than me. Also, ADORABLE right?)

BUT, this post isn’t about Valentine’s Day, per se. This is a post for my single and non-single friends, especially on Valentine’s Day.


DEAR STUPID/UGLY/DUMB PEOPLE IN RELATIONSHIPS

First of all, you aren’t stupid, ugly, or dumb, I’m just jelly. Obvi. Second, you should know that some things that you might say to your single friends… Well, it might annoy them a little (or a lot.) I’ve taken the liberty to jot down a few things that us single people hate hearing.

1) How are you single?! YOU’RE SO GREAT!
Remember when you were little and you would talk about something that you liked (ex: Backstreet Boys,) and your friend would say, “Well, if you like it (Backstreet Boys) so much, why don’t you marry it (Backstreet Boys aka just Nick Carter)??” Like, this is how I feel when people tell me that I’m so stinkin’ great. Like, if you like me so much, why don’t you marry me? I know that’s not very mature, but I’m not very mature. All joking aside, you don’t have to remind your single friends that they are awesome. It will just make them second guess their bad-a**-ness and make them focus on their sad/loneliness and the fact that despite them being so “awesome” they are still completely and utterly alone (holy run-on sentence.)

2) It’ll happen when you least expect it.
I’m 21 and I was supposed to be married when I was 18. Like, not really… but in the town/culture/society I live in.. pretty much. I’m always expecting it. You telling me not to expect it only makes me expect it more. It’s like saying, “Don’t scratch the rash, it’ll make it worse.” I’M GOING TO SCRATCH MYSELF AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME.

3) Having a boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t that great, trust me.
What? Oh, I’m sorry… I couldn’t hear you over the deafening sound of my lonesomeness. It is that great, don’t lie to me! You aren’t fooling anyone. There might be drama in a relationship, but lets look at some positives of a relationship: 1. someone you can text/talk to and they don’t get annoyed at you (immediately) because they kinda like you 2. someone you can always count on supporting you (mainly ensuring you have 1 more like on all social media accounts) 3. always having a friend. SEE? IT IS THAT GREAT.

4) Ugh, they don’t deserve you. You’re too good for them.
Is this a thing? Am I really TOO good for them? Am I just so freaking “good” that they need to find someone a little bit less? Like, I don’t think so. You know what I deserve? Ice cream. Buy me some ice cream instead of these cringe-worthy “compliments” trying to make me feel better. Trust me, that will make me feel WAY better. (Rocky Road please!)

5) I CAN’T believe that you’re single!
Same.


A big thanks goes out to all of my friends that have ever said any of these things to me. I joke about how annoying it is, but it means a lot that y’all care so much. I love you (and your significant others, like not in a weird way but in a “I have to like you because you stole my friend” kind of way.)

This Valentine’s Day I truly am overwhelmed with love. It means so much to me that all of you take the time to read my silly little rants. I started blogging as joke 2 years ago, and now it has become a very big part of my life. Thank you all. Seriously.

Don’t let Valentine’s Day get the best of you.

Keep it sassy ladies and gents.

xoxo Kristen

This Post Has One Comment
  1. K I just discovered your blog and I’m slightly obsessed with you. You have some serious talent for writing and being hilarious!

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