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Every Thought I’ve Had On A First Date

Every Thought I’ve Had On A First Date

If you’re reading this, we probably haven’t gone on a date. I’m sorry. You’re seriously missing out. (lol not really.)

BUT, I’m sure you’re now thinking… “Hmm. Kristen. I’ve never gone on a date with her. I wonder what it would be like.” Well, let me tell you, there’s only one way to find out. Okay, now it seems like I’m begging for a date. I’m not (I am.) Honestly… I don’t know where I’m going with this. This was just supposed to be a funny introduction to my blog post.


Here you go, here is every thought I have while on a date:

*boy calls/texts to ask me out on date*

I’m confused.

Did he mean to ask me?

Maybe it was a mistake, maybe he meant to call a different “Kristen.”

I feel like he was very vague about what we were doing…

What type of shoes am I supposed to wear to this?

Is this something where I should I eat before hand? Light snack or full meal?

*15 minutes before he comes to pick me up*

LOL what if he doesn’t come + stands me up………….

WAIT WHAT IF HE DOESN’T COME

*doorbell rings*

Good. He showed up. This is a good start.

Open the door and be cool.

Um, are we supposed to hug?

Am I supposed to introduce him to my roommates?

Okay. This is weird now.

*walking to the car*

Is he walking towards my door to open it?

What do I do with my hands?

*he opens my door + I’m just sitting in the car looking at him as he is closing my door*

Do I say thank you?? Nope. The door is closed.

*ordering at Zupas*

Soup and sandwich? Sandwich and salad? Soup and salad?

No soup and salad. Who would do that when sandwhich is an option??

*I get to the cash register while he’s still ordering, cashier asks if this is by itself or if I’m with someone*

I shouldn’t ASSUME he’s paying but also if he doesn’t…..

I mean if I’m paying for my own food I wouldn’t have chosen Zupas…

Oh good. He’s here + saying that we’re together.

*starts frantically looking for an open booth because tables suck*

I hope he’s not a same side of the booth type guy.

Wow. Very quick to sit on the other side……. Interesting.

I wonder if I’m going to see anyone I know here.

Oh crap, there’s that one girl I hate from my old job.

Okay. I’m waving to her now.

Perfect now she’s coming to say hi.

How do I introduce him?

Yep, I said, “this is my friend *insert his name here* oops.

I wonder who he voted for…

Am I eating too fast?

Eat slower.

Crap now he’s done eating and I still have half of my food left.

Wait, maybe I shouldn’t finish my food?

Will not finishing my food make me look dainty or wasteful?

LOL K I’ll ask him a big question + then finish this in 3 bites while he’s talking.

*walking back to his car*

Wait is he walking towards my door again?

I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS.

Do I make eye contact with him while he closes my door?

Bad idea. Eye contact was weird. Now he thinks I’m a serial killer. Perfect.

*driving home*

Wait. He likes Usher? I also like Usher…

Perfect. He watched the Carpool Karaoke.

WAIT HE SECRETLY LOVES ONE DIRECTION TOO?

I need to calm down…

Breathe.

*walking me to my door*

Am I supposed to hug him now?

Kristen. DON’T. TRY. TO. SHAKE. HIS. HAND.

Wait, that was a good hug. I’m glad I didn’t try and shake his hand.

Close the door Kristen + DON’T WAVE EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU LOVE WAVING.

*date is over*

I’m still hungry.


I hope you enjoyed your ~~free~~ date with me. It’s way more exciting in person. I promise. I don’t want to be that guy… but might I point out that I didn’t once think:

He asked me out. He’s in love with me.

Ugh, he probably wants to marry me.

What are we going to name our first 2 kids?

I wonder if he has plans for Thanksgiving?

I wonder how he feels about a spring wedding… Honestly I would do a summer or winter or fall wedding too.

WOW. I think he’s obsessed with me…

You see, first dates are the worst. There are so many other things I’m thinking about, I have very little time or ability to be thinking about our future wedding.

I think we all get a little spooked out about asking people on first dates because we don’t want them to think that we’re in love with them. Well, let this be a reminder… there are so many things to be thinking about on a first date, that ain’t nobody got time to worry about all the other stuff. Take a leap. Ask someone on a date. It’ll be worth it.

xoxo

Kristen

p.s. feel free to ask me on a date via DM or email or call or text or a hand-delivered letter

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